I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
