omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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