have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
