No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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