He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
