so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
