one might say we're banned from that church
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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