what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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