My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
