I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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