You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
