Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
