dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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