There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
His hands were made for my vagina.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
