I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
