i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
