I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
