We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Randomize
