i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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