I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
