walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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