Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
