we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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