Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
as a side note pls kill me
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
