my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
