I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Drunk is not a location!
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