Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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