she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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