hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
