This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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