When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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