can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
