4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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