were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
