I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
