Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
