I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
