It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
