Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
