.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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