Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
