She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
