worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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