He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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