Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
