i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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