New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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