so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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