okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
