don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
How's work?
Spinning.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
