Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I will be naked everywhere
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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