i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
