I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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