You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
