I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
