I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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