How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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