I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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