He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
