If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
