he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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