When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize