were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
