you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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